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Posts Tagged ‘John Terry’

• Three men gained access to accredited area of team hotel
• Attempt made to get John Terry to apologise to Wayne Bridge

A group of notorious pranksters infiltrated the England team hotel last week, it is reported today. The news will cause further concern at the Football Association as the security breach occurred in the same week that – in a separate incident – England players’ and coaches’ conversations were bugged.

Tommy Dunn and his son, also named Tommy, were, according to the Daily Mail, among three men who attempted to persuade John Terry to sign an autograph with the words ‘to Wayne … sorry’ in reference to the former England captain’s alleged affair with Wayne Bridge’s ex-girlfriend – and also gained access to an accredited area of the hotel.

The FA has been informed and will investigate. The Dunns have performed stunts in the past with Karl Power, who joined in Manchester United’s team photograph before a Champions League match against Bayern Munich.

Dunn Jr’s biggest claim to fame is playing Power at Wimbledon before a Tim Henman match in 2002.

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• Rooney is one of the three best players in the world, Italian says
• I would not swap my job with Marcello Lippi, he adds

Fabio Capello has set the bold target of steering England to the semi-finals of the World Cup at the very least, thereby emulating the national team’s best performance at the tournament since the trophy was won in 1966.

The Italian has had to contend over the past month with injuries to key personnel and serious allegations over his players’ personal lives – one of them cost John Terry the captaincy – together with confirmation that the England team hotel had been bugged before last week’s friendly against Egypt. Yet those distractions have not doused his enthusiasm for a role he accepted a little over two years ago, with his basic target now to take the team beyond the quarter-finals, where Sven-Goran Eriksson twice came unstuck, in South Africa this summer.

“My job when I was manager of Milan, Juventus, Roma or Madrid was always to try and win and, for me, it’s the same now as England manager,” said Capello. “I am focused to find the best way and we are one of the best teams in the World Cup. We hope to arrive at the semi-finals, minimum, and then, after a lot of years, win the World Cup.

“We have a good team, good players and, at this moment, we think we can beat all of the teams because we can play at the same level of the best teams in the world. It is a surprise to see the attention on things off the pitch because, usually, my job has been to decide things on the pitch, so that is new. But being England manager is always a challenge. But the challenge for me is always important because, at my age, without a challenge, I’d just stay at home. I could go on holiday. I like the challenge. This will be one of the most important of my life.

“To manage England was one of my dreams and I’m really happy to have taken on the job. I would not swap my position with [the Italy coach] Marcello Lippi. I prefer to be England manager. I hope to play against Italy in the final but my shirt at that moment will be an England shirt.”

England have reached the semi-finals only once, in 1990, in the past 44 years, and Capello’s ambition is a concession that the Football Association and the supporters will be seeking evidence of real progress under a manager who signed a four-year contract worth around £26m.

A place in the last four at the summer’s finals would satisfy that with Capello admitting that Wayne Rooney – arguably the side’s one world-class player on present form – is key to achieving that much.

“Lionel Messi, Cristiano Ronaldo and Rooney are the three best players in the world at the moment,” said Capello, speaking at the Laureus Sports Awards in Abu Dhabi. “Their styles are completely different. One is fast, one has lots of imagination. Rooney is more strong. He runs a lot and helps everyone, and this year he has scored many goals. I think he is one of the best, but those three are really young and they are the best players for the future. I hope he will be in the same form during the World Cup and that he will be fit and not injured because he is one of the most important players.

“Of those who are injured at the moment, I am happy because they are injured now rather than when the World Cup starts. Wes Brown, Rio Ferdinand and Ashley Cole are out but the players who played against Egypt played very well and we have no big problem with defenders.”

Ferdinand has returned to the Manchester United line-up since the win against Egypt, and Brown is expected to be absent for up to six weeks with a metatarsal injury. Cole continues to make good progress in rehabilitation in the south of France after breaking an ankle during Chelsea’s 2-1 defeat at Everton, with the club confident he will return to action before the end of the campaign.

That will grant the first-choice left-back time to prove his fitness ahead of the naming of Capello’s 30-man provisional squad for the finals, on 16 May.

England have two fixtures, against Mexico at Wembley and Japan in Graz, Austria, later that month before flying to South Africa on 2 June.

For full story go to here

• Capello conversations secretly recorded before Egypt game
• Football Association warns media not to make them public

The Football Association has moved to stop the contents of bugged conversations between players and coaching staff becoming public after a recording was offered to media outlets.

Conversations between the England coach, Fabio Capello, and the squad are understood to have been secretly recorded ahead of last week’s friendly against Egypt. The FA has launched an investigation into how they were made and warned newspapers and broadcasters not to make them public.

The incident is the latest blow to hit Capello’s World Cup build up, in the wake of the media frenzy that surrounded John Terry’s alleged affair with the ex-girlfriend of his international team-mate Wayne Bridge.

The recording, believed to be several hours long, is alleged to contain conversations between coaching staff and players at the Grove Hotel in Hertfordshire ahead of the 3-1 victory over Egypt at Wembley last Wednesday.

Although they have not officially commented, the FA’s lawyers have contacted media organisations warning that publication of the contents of the recording would be illegal and a breach of the Data Protection Act and Press Complaints Commission rules.

Section 10 of the PCC code states: “The press must not seek to obtain or publish material acquired by using hidden cameras or clandestine listening devices; or by intercepting private or mobile telephone calls, messages or emails; or by the unauthorised removal of documents or photographs; or by accessing digitally held private information without consent.”

It is understood that the FA’s lawyers have also been in touch with the Daily Star, which hinted at the content of the conversations but did not reproduce them, in order to try to ascertain who was offering the recordings for sale and how they were made.

It has been suggested that the content of the tapes could give away Capello’s tactical secrets but it is likely that whoever is responsible was hoping for more blockbuster revelations about the England players’ private lives or evidence of the effect of the Terry story on the mood within the camp.

It is understood that the recordings were offered to several Sunday newspapers, which turned them down. Capello is believed to be concerned about the breach but the FA is confident that tight security around the England team at their remote Rustenburg training camp at this summer’s World Cup will prevent a repeat.

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Clive Tyldesley’s liking for artificial additives can lead to a severe bout of indigestion

I have noticed the phrase “accurately cooked” in a number of restaurant reviews lately, but it is not the damnation with faint praise it sounds like. Today’s restaurant critics like their din-dins to be simple, elegant, and not making too much fuss about being din-dins. The days when if you paid the thick end of 20 quid for a piece of meat or fish – and extra for your chips – you demanded some fancy schmancy sauce sloshed on it (I am not, you should know, a professional food critic) are well and truly over.

Were there a similar movement in television sport, Clive Tyldesley would be the first to be stripped of his Michelin star, as his hyperactive commentaries continue to arrive seriously overcooked, and packed with more artificial additives than Katie Price’s evening gown. Statistics are Clive’s condiment of choice, so naturally he could not quite get over the fact that England’s victory over Egypt on Wednesday was their 500th in all fixtures.

When he was not elaborating on that – victory No1 was at The Oval, I think he said, in the 1890s – he was inviting us to marvel at Peter Crouch’s scoring record: “Thirty-seven caps, 19 goals, do the math,” he swooned.

Do the math? I had to rewind to check that was what he had actually said. The math, I found, was relatively simple. It works out at just slightly more than a goal every two matches, but maybe in Topeka, Kansas, or wherever it is Clive is affecting to come from these days, it is a difficult problem, something to ponder over the biscuits and gravy, before taking the trash out to the dumpster.

Do the math? We might as well all give up and hoist up the Stars and Stripes. And there was I trying to stop my progeny saying “Can I get …” when ordering in restaurants, barring them from watching reruns of Friends. Do not get me wrong. I love American English, the vigour and muscularity of it and all, but on national television in the middle of what Clive would probably call a soccer match, it was undoubtedly de trop (oh, all right, let’s hoist up the Tricolour as well), and besides it left the commentator with nowhere to go when Crouch scored a second goal, and his stats became slightly more than slightly more than a goal in every two internationals.

It should be acknowledged that live commentary on a football match is a very difficult thing to do, but today’s commentators complicate it even more by treating dead air as an enemy – Tyldesley is undoubtedly the worst in this regard – and their propensity for phrase making, which Motty probably started with his Crazy Gang and Culture Club gag when Wimbledon beat Liverpool in the FA Cup final, but which has been rather too enthusiastically embraced by most of his heirs.

The BBC’s Jonathan Pearce, for example, on Match of the Day on Saturday described Burnley’s recent statistics of 13 defeats in 14 away matches, conceding more than one goal in all but one of the matches, as “a shameful record”.

No, it is not. Gary Glitter has a shameful record (not a reference to I’m The Leader Of The Gang (I Am), although there is a case to be made), John Terry’s recent behaviour is arguably shameful, but there is nothing shameful about losing a series of football matches, unless players have been taking bribes to throw them, and I am sure Pearce was not suggesting that.

There is no need for the embellishment anyway. It is worth remembering the phrase most readily associated with David Coleman, one of the best commentators of all time, is “One–nil.” Where one might perhaps welcome a little more garnish on the pundits’ bench, where ITV’s latest recruit is the former international goalkeeper Paul Robinson, a new addition to the legion of football and ex-football folk skilled in stating the bleedin’ obvious for money.

Among Robinson’s gems on Wednesday was, “The manager likes to win football matches,” which he later clarified by saying, “He [Fabio Capello] always wants to win the game of football.”

I can see the logic in Robinson’s recruitment. England’s goalkeeping problem is well advertised and the subject of much discussion in the four-ale bar, but Robinson, bluff, gruff Yorkshireman though he is, is way too close to his successors to deliver any forthright Boycott-esque assessment of their shortcomings.

Finally, I realise Screen Break has been suffused with negativity this week, so something positive for you to take away.

Flipping around late on Friday night in search of material, I happened upon The 40-Year-Old Virgin on ITV2, a film I have enjoyed before and was enjoying again, until it started going all soft-centred as recent Hollywood comedies inevitably do.

So I switched to ITV2 plus 1, where the same film was playing, but delayed by an hour. I was thus able to enjoy the outrageous bad behaviour of Steve Carell, Seth Rogen and their gang of schlubs all over again, and switch off before being forced to suspend disbelief when they mysteriously change into decent, honourable human beings.

In short, the “plus one” channels enable you to enjoy the com without the rom – a treat for those of you who prefer your comedy accurately cooked.

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• John Terry: ‘I am pleased with my form this year’
• Chelsea captain maintains scandals have not affected him

John Terry has defended his performances in the wake of the scandal that has engulfed him over the past month.

Many have been critical of the form of the Chelsea captain, who was stripped of the England captaincy following tabloid revelations surrounding him and the former partner of Wayne Bridge.

The pressure on Terry increased after Chelsea lost 2-1 to Everton, but Terry insists that, aside from that game, his form is holding up. He told The People: “There are not many players who come out publicly and hold their hands up like I did after the Everton game.

“I also had an air-kick at Wolves but, apart from that, I am pleased with my form this year.

“In the first half of the season I was in really good form but after a couple of bad results, and what has gone on in recent weeks, the spotlight has been on me. But I feel as though I am playing well.”

Terry was content with his performance in England’s 3-1 win against Egypt in the friendly at Wembley last Wednesday, his first performance for the national team since losing the England captaincy, and felt he continued to play a leadership role.

“I played well against Egypt,” he said. “It was important for me to come through that with a good performance. I think I did carry on as a leader against Egypt. I think anyone who was watching the game could see that.”

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The England manager is not the worrying kind when it comes to tough decisions of his final World Cup selection

Fabio Capello has never been the type to agonise. Suffering is delegated to his rivals. The 3-1 victory over Egypt showed that the manager has made nearly all his decisions. He even went to extremes by concluding, for instance, that Joe Hart should not even come on to gain a little more experience. Robert Green was in goal throughout and the England manager feels it is essential for him to appear as often as possible in internationals.

Last year the manager announced that he knew who his goalkeeper would be and was obviously referring to David James. On Wednesday he was asked if there had been a change of heart. “Maybe,” he said with a smile. His general disdain for unnecessary experimentation was underlined by a refusal to make full use of his allocation of six substitutions. He confined himself to five changes. It looks as if only routine maintenance of the squad is envisaged between now and the World Cup finals. This probably underlines his practicality. There are no searing newcomers to whom he could be drawn irresistibly.

Capello was wilfully content after beating Egypt. There was a determination to believe that John Terry had done well, if only to imply that the defender has got over the loss of the captaincy. This was an extension of the previous obstinacy when he had purported to see nothing amiss when Chelsea lost 4-2 to Manchester City. No such chastening lapses occurred at Wembley, but it would be an exaggeration to state that Terry had been his old self.

He always has been a little slow and it is a tribute to his understanding of the centre-half role that he seldom allows opponents a clear run. Egypt, however, did get chances to sprint at him. A comic incident also suggested that his concentration is still in convalescence. The first involvement by Terry was a misplaced pass to Wes Brown that went for a throw-in.

Whatever Capello really made of the Chelsea player’s showing, he has evidently come to the conclusion that everything will fall into place. The Italian is seldom tormented by doubt. There will be 30 players in an initial party that will be trimmed to 23 for the World Cup. He had two dozen on hand at Wembley and six clear candidates were absent.

Phil Jagielka, following knee surgery, has now had a couple of appearances from the bench for Everton. Capello should also be able to consider the injured Ashley Cole, Glen Johnson, Rio Ferdinand and Aaron Lennon for the finals. Aston Villa’s Gabriel Agbonlahor has the challenge of the England manager’s interest.

Once Capello does see value in a player he can be tenacious in his support. Theo Walcott has had a thin time, but the value of his speed is not overlooked, particularly when Lennon’s pelvic injury is proving slow to clear. The England manager pardoned Walcott’s mistakes. “When you don’t play a lot of games and then have the chance to start,” said Capello, “you want to do impossible things. But he is important because he is one of the fastest players on the right wing. I remember the performance of Theo before he was injured. He has time to recover [his form].”

Capello was benign towards even the malfunctioning Jermain Defoe, who squandered his first England start in 16 months. “I know they can play together,” the manager said of the striker’s pairing with Wayne Rooney, “but some things did not go the way I wanted. With Peter Crouch, we played differently and the movement of the players was more harmonic.” Capello has benefited in the past from the combination of Wayne Rooney and Emile Heskey and he is under no pressure to break up the pairing. Crouch’s impact, in which two goals took his international tally to 20, came as a substitute against Egypt.

Without naming Portsmouth, the Italian emphasised the progress that followed the transfer to Tottenham last summer. “Crouch has improved a lot,” said Capello. “English teams like Spurs do not always play long balls. A long time ago, when we started, it was always long balls for the head of Crouch. Now he always tries to play the ball. It was a maximum of one or two touches [against Egypt]. It is not easy to win the ball back from Crouch.”

The attacker took the equaliser against Egypt slickly, even if he was offside at the other goal. Between those strikes Shaun Wright-Phillips scored with an effort that ought to have been saved. England, in short, were spasmodic and the subdued contributions from Frank Lampard and Steven Gerrard were unsettling. Capello badly needs to see the revitalisation of those midfielders, although it is not obvious how that is to be achieved.

The manager demanded a higher tempo for the second half, but that very British approach from the Italian may not succeed at the World Cup. There is much still to trouble Capello. Everton’s Leighton Baines was allowed the full 90 minutes and, on his debut, thereby became the default left-back. Nonetheless, England will be severely diminished if some sort of setback keeps Cole from the World Cup. In general, there is a fragility and patchiness to the resources that not even Capello can cure.

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• Team spirit not been damaged, says deposed captain
• ‘Let’s concentrate on England and the World Cup’

John Terry said England’s dressing room has not been split by the allegations over his private life that prompted Fabio Capello to strip him of the national team’s captaincy.

The Chelsea centre-half, whose reported affair with Wayne Bridge’s former partner compelled the Manchester City full-back to retire prematurely from international football, was heckled by some sections of the Wembley crowd early in the 3-1 win over Egypt on Wednesday. Yet the barracking subsided as his performance grew more assured and, while the England squad included three City players, he said the exposés about his private life over the past month had not proved divisive within the set-up. “We’ve shown that our team spirit has not been damaged,” said Terry. “We’ve shown that the players, the fans and the country are united all behind the team. The lads have said it publicly but I’ve had a lot of support from them privately as well, which has been really nice.

“We showed in our second-half performance that we’ve still got that fight and drive for each other which will never go away. The spirit amongst the lads is fantastic and we showed that by coming from a goal down against a really good side. I hope that draws a line under everything.

“I’m thankful to the crowd and showed my appreciation after the game. It means a lot the way they responded. But it’s not just about me and we need to forget about all that now. Let’s concentrate on England and the World Cup.

“We’ve seen from the Egypt game that we’ve got a really good chance. If we can keep playing like that and keep progressing then we’ve got a good chance: 18 months ago we said we needed to keep going and keep improving and we’ve done that.”

That progress had been threatened in recent weeks by the allegations that cost Terry the armband, as well as injuries to key personnel, though the squad members said attention has not been critically deflected. “We put that negativity behind us,” said Frank Lampard.

“We showed a good togetherness and spirit on the pitch. It’s only been two or three days and people are concentrating on their football. We’ve tried to block out any negative feeling.

“The fans were supportive. The players understand the booing, whatever their thoughts on different issues. But whether it’s off the pitch or on the pitch issues, it doesn’t help. We’re in the zone now where we have to concentrate on getting behind the team. We have to try to take out the negativity because that can affect people. John didn’t make a comment [about the booing] but I thought he played very well. Every player should act like they have the armband. John does that and he will continue to do that more often than not.”

The centre-half’s display was all the more impressive given recent high-profile mistakes endured in Chelsea games – at Everton, Internazionale and at home to Manchester City most notably – which had suggested his off-field concerns were undermining his form on the pitch. “Chelsea have had a couple of bad results, which sometimes means a couple of bad performances from me surprisingly, but I was pleased with my performance against Egypt,” he added. “It was important I came out and played the way I did.”

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WE CAN WIN THIS. WE CAN WIN THIS. WE CAN WIN THIS. WE CAN WIN THIS

Despite being too hep-cat daddy-o cool and down with the kids to have ever attended a latter-day Rolling Stones gig, the Fiver couldn’t help but think that England’s friendly win against Egypt last night was just like one. What with Mick Jagger being in his late 90s, the geriatric Stones front-man famously reserves his most frenetic bursts of energy for encores, a tactic that enables him to send punters home thinking he’s a tremendously tireless and animated performer, having forgotten the preceding 60 minutes delivered from underneath the tartan rug that keeps the draught off his knees when he’s rolling around stage in his bath-chair.

In much the same way, England’s impressive performance in the final 30 minutes of last night’s victory sent their fans and media cheerleaders home thinking things like “World Cup” and “we could really win this”, having completely forgotten a first-half performance so inept that it prompted the Fiver’s Scottish cousin, Shortbread McFiver to spend 5p on a text that read: “Jings! Crivens! England are hilariously pish! This is the evening ma four-yearly World Cup paranoia evaporates! Pish, I tells ya!” His missive was followed up seconds later by a telegram from the Fiver’s Irish cousin, Theme Pub O’Fiver. “Begorrah. Stop. Sally O’Brien and the way she might look at ya. Stop. Egypt have scored! Stop. Ha. Stop. Ha. Stop. Ha. Stop.”

Prior to last night’s ding-dong, much of the discussion had centred on whether a famously discerning and in-no-way fickle Wembley mob (we’re obliged to describe as a minority even though it clearly isn’t) would boo England’s Brave Travis Bickle for … reasons best known to … somebody. They did, but half-heartedly and only until it was time to down pitchforks and flaming torches, and decide whether to (a) start cheering him instead, like they’ve done with David Beckham, Owen Hargreaves, Frank Lampard and Peter Crouch in the past, or (b) start booing Theo Walcott. In the end, making a decision within the remaining 80 minutes proved beyond the notoriously brain-dead crowd and it was a relieved Bickle who faced reporters after the game.

“We have the best fans in the world, it’s as simple as that,” said EBTB, who appears to have completely salvaged his reputation by making it through the 90 minutes without having an extra marital affair that we’re aware of or not being quite as comically inept at defending as in recent weeks. “We have a real chance of causing some problems at the World Cup,” he added, tempting fate in the time-honoured tradition before going all misty-eyed at the prospect of seeing his captain Rio Ferdinand putting his troublesome back out again as he hoists that famous gold trophy towards the sky.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

“In my neighbourhood if you do [what John Terry is alleged to have done], you lose your legs, or more: you don’t survive” – Carlos Tevez has Wayne Bridge (and one or two others) wishing EBJT was born in Fort Apache, Buenos Aires.

SUPERFLUOUS BRANCHES, WE LOP AWAY THAT BEARING BOWS MAY LIVE

Today, after intensive mulling and chin-stroking, and despite much costly counsel from slick-talkin’ focus group wonks, the National Society for the Conservation of Injured Grasshoppers has decided against forming a national sub-committee devoted specifically to the conservation of injured grasshoppers. It seems some bright spark suddenly realised that that would be superfluous. Yes, that would be superfluous. Very superfluous indeed. And there’s no excuse for superfluity. No, nay, never.

Coincidentally, today a meeting of Premier League clubs concluded with representatives of those clubs, who are in the Premier League, announcing that there is no need to devise a new way of ascertaining every season which of the league’s teams are better, what with there already being a league. Accordingly, the proposal to introduce play-offs for England’s fourth Big Cup spot has been chucked into a cabinet marked “Do Not Use!”, where it may or may not dwell forever more alongside files such as the 39th Game, Pink Dungarees for Referees, and the Fit and Proper Persons Test.

In addition to thwarting Lovers of the Superfluous (who, the Fiver understands, like to be referred to by the acronym NDFNHFYTAYIOARJNEFNZAXJNFYAYTDFUADOFERT), this news comes as a great pity to fans of paper umbrellas, streaker-wear and other self-defeating notions. These folks were strong advocates of a play-off system, primarily because contriving to open the fourth Big Cup berth to the seventh-best team in the country would be the ideal way of ensuring that England’s co-efficient dropped sufficiently for the fourth place to be withdrawn.

FIVER LETTERS

“Not sure if twitter.com/garthcrooks is genuine, given the eclectic mix (Gok Wan and Andi Peters) that he’s following, but the following searing insight suggests it probably is him: ‘Peter Crouch is techincally (sic) a very good footballer, which is surprising given his height. about 14 hours ago via Echofon’. Good Touch For A Big Man hits Twitter!” – Gavin Hutchinson.

“‘… a lot more technical ability than people realise’ – Stewart Robson, Fox Soccer Plus” – Steven Sellars, Cayman Islands.

“I took a few mates to a game a couple of years ago, and we all stood behind the dugout on London Road terrace, within earshot of the big man, Keith Alexander. Danny: ‘Keith, Keith, get Gritton off, he’s [rude word].’ Keith turned to Danny and said: ‘You’re not wrong’. Five minutes later Gritton got the curly finger. RIP Keith” – Chris Mawdsley.

“Whilst at Lincoln City, Keith also used to turn out for a Sunday League team, Washingborough Utd, with absolutely no airs and graces. He moved to the Lincoln area and was very popular. Our regular 20-goals-a-season striker, Simon Yeo stayed out of loyalty to Keith, even when bigger clubs came calling. When Keith was out of management, he’d go shopping at Waitrose on a Saturday between 3-5pm to try to avoid the sympathy he’d get from City fans, but they still gave him it. He was our best manager since Graham Taylor and, following his fourth play-off, the club’s new board rewarded him by sending him on gardening leave (the club chairman then is now the bloke who’s taken over Notts County). They eventually messed Keith around so much that he walked and was eventually replaced by Peter Jackson – a bigger contrast with Keith there couldn’t be” – Stuart Goodacre.

“Re: the ongoing controversy over whether fresh or stale breadsticks would snap easier (Fivers passim). Seafton Cliffs (yesterday’s Fiver) seems to be confusing ‘bread’ (crust over soft centre) with ‘breadsticks’ (crunchy throughout). In the case of the latter, they are crisp when fresh and go soft when stale. Ergo a fresh one would snap more easily. Simple” – Stephen Brophy.

“Seaton Cliffs sounds like the name of an enclave in the Cheshire footballers’ commuter belt for those who can’t aspire to the heights of Alderley Edge. But leaving that aside, the floppy item he describes is not a bread stick, though it is sometimes known around-and-about these parts as a French stick. A breadstick is a grissini. The most cursory bit of Wiki-ing would have revealed this, as the first line of the entry for ‘breadstick’ reads: ‘Not to be confused with Baguettes’. D’oh! Or should that read: d’ough!” – Steve Allen.

“I like a good amount of butter and Primula cheese spread (the one with chives, not the prawn or ham monstrosities) on my fresh French baguette, but as a special treat, I am also quite partial to Ardennes Pâté – Duncan James.

Send your letters to the.boss@guardian.co.uk. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also Tweet the Fiver now.

BITS AND BOBS

Diego Maradona says Argentina can win the World Cup, although it’s also technically true than New Zealand, North Korea and England can win it. “Maybe the press in Argentina won’t like it,” Maradona bugled, “but we are going to play a very good World Cup in South Africa.”

Bolton’s Stuart Holden will be out for six weeks with fibula ouch. “The most important thing is that he returns bigger and better,” said Owen Coyle, forcing lard into his player’s mouth.

French fans gave Thierry Henry a proper booing – rather than the drippy effort England supporters gave EBJT – last night during their team’s 2-0 defeat to Spain. “I absolutely had no pace,” panted Henry. “When you have to run after the ball after having only played one game in the last month and a half, it is really tough.”

Macclesfield’s match at Hereford will go ahead as scheduled this weekend following the death of the club’s manager, Keith Alexander. “It’s exactly what the gaffer would have wanted,” said Macclesfield’s assistant manager, Gary Simpson. “Keith just loved the game and the last thing he would have wanted was to cause any fuss.”

And Tomas Rosicky has joined the chorus of whining emanating from The Emirates stadium by endorsing the views of his manager Arsène Wenger by claiming referees are not protective enough of the club’s precious flowers. “Players are making five or six fouls before they are booked,” said Rosicky, as eight hulking centre-halves lunged at his ankles. “But we are making two fouls and are booked so I think we are certainly not protected enough.”

STILL WANT MORE?

Nasty Leeds’s owners have been declared fit and proper by the Football League, despite nobody knowing who the devil they are. Proper Journalist David Conn wearily shakes his head.

David Ginola leaves his silky mane and Barnsley’s defence flapping in his wake in this week’s Classic YouTube, which also includes the most ludicrous own goal ever.

Paul Doyle watched Ivory Coast get beaten by a much-improved South Korea at a chilly Loftus Road and he reckons the ailing Ivorians need a manager fast.

The Football Weekly gang were called up for international duty this week to bring you an extra dose of podcast. Download it NOW!

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FAIR POINTS OF OUR TIME: ‘IF 6 MUSIC IS AS MARVELLOUS AS THE TWITTER RENT-A-MOB MAKES OUT, WHY DOES NOBODY LISTEN TO IT?’

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James welcomes Kevin McCarra, Paul Doyle and Barry Glendenning up to near-earth-orbit to thrash out the week’s football news.

Keeper Essam El Hadari and a linesman error helped England to a 3-1 win over African Champions Egypt, but what did we learn from the friendly? And has John Terry lost his form at the worst possible time?

After Scotland throw the kilt-wearing monkey off their backs by winning a home friendly after 5,000 odd days, the pod wonder whether new manager Craig Leven is the best man for the job.

As Spain win their 41st game out of 45, Sid Lowe gushes at great length about the wonderflulness of the European Champions. Passports permitting, would any of England’s players get in the Spanish squad?

There’s also news of crowd trouble between different PSG ultra groups, blasphemy in Italy and the Red Knights that may or may not like to say ‘Ni’.

Have a listen and post your thoughts on the blog below. We’re also on iTunes, Facebook, and Twitter, and if you like this type of juvenile humour, get your daily dose with our tea-timely email, The Fiver.

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Fitness permitting, 18 places in England’s squad for South Africa are already nailed down

Kevin McCarra

It is always hard to disagree with a man in the habit of being right and, in any case, Fabio Capello’s options are so limited that there cannot be many dilemmas. Some, such as Joe Cole, will have played themselves out of contention unless there is an eye-catching return to form shortly. The most famous candidate for exclusion should be David Beckham. He was exposed when he started for Milan against Manchester United and cameos as a substitute should not suffice. Beckham did not get off the bench on Wednesday and his status is diminishing. Capello values Theo Walcott’s pace, although the winger was poor against Egypt.

Robert Green, David James, Joe Hart; Glen Johnson, Wes Brown, John Terry, Rio Ferdinand, Matthew Upson, Joleon Lescott, Ashley Cole, Leighton Baines; Frank Lampard, Gareth Barry, Michael Carrick, Steven Gerrard, James Milner, Aaron Lennon, Shaun Wright-Phillips, Theo Walcott; Emile Heskey, Wayne Rooney, Jermain Defoe, Peter Crouch.

Richard Williams

The biggest question mark sits against the name of Rio Ferdinand, whose absence would be sorely felt, with Phil Jagielka the most obvious replacement. The inclusion of Stephen Warnock and Stewart Downing depends on the success of Aston Villa’s league run-in; a series of good showings by Joe Cole would see the Chelsea man regaining his place at Downing’s expense. While Capello is not a man to be swayed by a single performance in a friendly match, the dynamism of Shaun Wright-Phillips against Egypt made a telling contrast with the naivety of the man he replaced, Theo Walcott. Aaron Lennon’s failure to recover from his groin problem would allow Walcott back in.

Robert Green, David James, Joe Hart; Glen Johnson, Wes Brown, John Terry, Rio Ferdinand, Matthew Upson, Joleon Lescott, Ashley Cole, Stephen Warnock; Frank Lampard, Gareth Barry, David Beckham, Steven Gerrard, James Milner, Aaron Lennon, Shaun Wright-Phillips, Stewart Downing; Emile Heskey, Wayne Rooney, Jermain Defoe, Peter Crouch.

Dominic Fifield

Fabio Capello is utterly reliant upon the medical staff at a group of elite Premier League clubs to return the likes of Ashley Cole, Rio Ferdinand, Glen Johnson and Aaron Lennon from injury but, providing they have proved their fitness, this squad offers balance, solidity and bite. Phil Jagielka’s versatility may give him the nod over Joleon Lescott, while James Milner can also fill in at full-back if required. Theo Walcott is included on the proviso that he plays, and excels, regularly for Arsenal in the weeks ahead but, even if Shaun Wright-Phillips might deserve better, the role he played in qualifying should not be overlooked. Capello may be tempted to include a fifth striker, particularly if Walcott fades again, most likely at the expense of either Jagielka or Wes Brown in defence.

Robert Green, David James, Joe Hart; Glen Johnson, Wes Brown, John Terry, Rio Ferdinand, Matthew Upson, Phil Jagielka, Ashley Cole, Leighton Baines; Frank Lampard, Gareth Barry, Michael Carrick, Steven Gerrard, James Milner, Aaron Lennon, David Beckham, Theo Walcott; Emile Heskey, Wayne Rooney, Jermain Defoe, Peter Crouch.

Players in bold included in all three squads

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